7/21/2018 1 Comment
When we are in a toxic relationship with someone we love, we usually cannot see that clearly because we simply are IN it. We are part of the problem. The frustration, anger, resentment, numbness, dis-empowerment and overall unhappiness usually end up feeling “normal”.
Toxicity and negativity are contagious. We can easily become as negative as the person who we are dealing with.
Not setting healthy boundaries is very common; the main reasons seem to be that we just don’t know that we must set boundaries, and don’t know how to set such boundaries at the first sign of toxic behaviors either.
Sometimes toxic people start showing unacceptable behaviors soon after their prey has fallen in love with them and sometimes they start showing those gradually after they enter a committed relationship.
Many toxic people are not even aware of their toxicity.
The following are just a few red flags (of many) of a toxic relationship:
- Lack of respect: Respect is one of the main pillars of any healthy relationship, and the lack of it may have us feeling that we are not good enough to deserve it. Disrespect tolerated over a long period of time can lead to self-doubt and to even feel stupid.
- Verbal abuse: When the toxic individual truly insults and talks down to his/her partner or makes constant remarks of him/her privately and/or in the presence of others, or when the communication becomes passive-aggressive.
- Lack of effective communication: when any talk turns into shouting and arguing, or into shutting up and not talking at all. Usually the toxic partner shouts and the other ends up shouting too or shutting down often enough to cause him/her a lot of emotional and physical pain.
- Control: when an individual allows his/her partner to dominate his/her life, unless the dominated partner is very submissive in nature, it can lead to abuse at the first sign of power by the submissive partner.
- Threats- when the toxic individual threatens with taking his/her own life or that of his/her partner’s, or threatens with abandonment, with taking away the partner’s belongings, etc. Any serious threat that makes a partner feeling afraid is toxic and unacceptable.
Keep in mind that we can become negative when we are in a toxic relationship and, to be able to survive and stay in it, we can become toxic too and impact our physical and emotional health much faster.The combination of toxicity inflicted by a partner and by ourselves can turn into a deadly poison the longer we stay.
Unfortunately, when we love our partners regardless of how toxic the relationship is, staying in that relationship tends to feel much easier than taking the scary steps to leave and let go, but if you cannot be yourself, don’t know what to say to your partner, are not happy, are afraid of your partner’s reactions and/or live in the past, you might be in a toxic relationship. Please reach out immediately.
Just know that taking that first step can truly make the difference between living a healthy, much happier life and living a slow death.
Meanwhile, I hope that you go to sleep tonight feeling a little happier and that tomorrow you feel much happier than today,